I have the incredible honor of sharing Stephanie's amazing birth story. Her birth was so inspiring, and it was an utter joy to see her so fully in her own power, trusting her body and her baby. Her story highlights the importance of putting together a supportive, strong team and not being afraid to ask for what you want. It's amazing the amount of detail she remembers, showing how fully present she was for the experience. Thank you so much, Steph and Andrew, for the opportunity to help you bring beautiful Angelo into the world.
*it may be long, but it's worth every moment!
Angelo Frank,
After we found out we were having you, I learned that our solo
practitioner OB/Gyn who delivered your older sister was taking a break from OB,
and so we needed to find a new practice. Looking back, I am so thankful
for this turning point. Had it not happened, I am confident we would have
still had a good pregnancy and birth with our past doctor with the end result
of You. Because of this need though, we turned down a path of
discovery. When your daddy and I thought about your sister’s birth, we
remembered being so happy to have had a healthy baby and so proud of how well I
pushed her out, but the experience left us, well, wanting more. So we
reflected a bit---what were the things we had wanted in a birth that we did not
have last time?
To me, this meant finding a practice that saw birth as a normal
life event and had faith in moms to trust their bodies. We did not want to be
induced either, because of how the Pitocin felt in my body last time and the
cascading interventions and lack of ability I had to move during labor
that followed it I also wanted to give natural birth our best shot
this time, and being second time parents, we now knew this would be optimized
by picking someone (or a team of people!) with great ideas and experience to
help guide us through not just the actual labor and delivery but also the
mental and physical preparation for the big day. Thinking about these key
goals, I remembered my friend Pleasance, the owner of my favorite yoga studio,
Lil Omm, had found a group that seemed to honor these tenets during her
pregnancy with her second child-- the practice was Wisdom midwifery at GW.
She filled me in on the group, suggested I get on their waitlist if I was
considering them (which I did right away-- at this point I was about 8 weeks
pregnant). To be completely honest, before we were pregnant with you, neither
of us knew very much about midwives at all. We began reading up and watching
documentaries on the difference between models of care offered by midwives and
OBs and talking a LOT with each other. After I attended a meet the midwife
session at GW, I felt like Wisdom might be just what we were looking for.
They seemed really chill and relaxed, excited about helping you birth
your babies, and overall just really different (which I liked).
Daddy and I decided that this time, we would also like to have a
doula, or a special birth helper, as part of our team, but wanted to choose
someone who we were sure would remember Daddy wanted to be helpful for the
birth too. Through Lil Omm, we learned about a yoga teacher Michelle Cohen who
was also training to be a doula. We invited her over to meet and we all clicked
right away. Throughout the pregnancy, Michelle was kind, fun, and full of ideas
from yoga, her work as a doula, and experience as a mother, and most of all she
understood and trusted the birth process. We were not sure there was another
person in the whole world that was better match for us. Michelle was the
one who helped us find our own voice about birthing and helped us to really
trust ourselves, and I have to say she became a really good friend to both
Daddy and me during the time you were living in my belly.
The next day after signing up with Michelle, we also decided GW
Wisdom Midwifery would be the practice we worked with. We are so happy we
made that choice, because they lived up to be everything we hoped. To be
honest, we really chose them because of the birth experience we hoped for, but
we got way more than that. The routine care was amazing. I felt
like I was being taken care of by a village of experienced women who loved to
share stories at each visit. I think they took my blood once during the
pregnancy and always examined me in my clothes. Some of the midwives would even
lean down and talk to you through my belly, saying “Hi baby!” really sweetly. I
felt like a person not a patient, which for us, it turned out, mattered a lot
and helped us develop confidence during the pregnancy that we could do this.
also, instead of being worried that I am an avid runner, they embraced it
and chatted with me being glad to hear I was getting the nutrients I needed
from my diet to support the running and the pregnancy. It was clear they wanted
to work with me and that they valued each woman and her pregnancy as
unique and special.
But, I knew that to really prepare for this natural birth, we
needed not just to stack our team (which we totally did), but we needed to
educate ourselves through practice on how to labor effectively. I knew I
wanted to bring yoga into the pregnancy and I decided to sign up for a Saturday
prenatal yoga class with you at Lil Omm that was during Gianna’s naptime.
This way, I felt that this time was just yours and mine. I
invited you on to my yoga mat pretty much every Saturday afternoon for the 6
months before you were born. In this sacred space in Alicia’s class, I
had a chance to grow stronger physically, practice positions and flow of
movement, and breathwork that would be helpful in natural childbirth. I was
happy to have the time to just think about me and you and meanwhile enjoy the
company and friendship of other moms, moms-to-be and our awesome yoga teacher.
When I look back that those 6 months, they were some of my favorite in my life,
because I grew very much spiritually from my time on the mat with you. It was
there that I learned more about myself and who I wanted to be for you, our
family, and for me. There, I found myself trusting my body to know what to do
and how to do it. There, among peaceful music and focused on your movements
within me, I started learning how to be present and was able to start
each week with a goal of better seeking out and appreciating the ordinary
moments of life.
On February 6th, the night before your due date, I started
feeling some contractions about 30 seconds long and 8 minutes apart for a
while. We thought, “Yay, you were going to be born on your due date!”
We called Michelle and the hospital to let them know about our status,
but the contractions were of a strength that I thought I might be able to sleep
still, so I took a shower and did fall asleep for a few hours. When I
woke up, they hadn’t gone away, but were not any stronger or closer together.
Daddy and I worked from home on February 7, and after talking to
Michelle, decided to take a big long walk to try to move things along. We
even made a pit stop and had a really fun and delicious soup and omelet lunch
date where we talked about your impending
arrival. Afternoon turned into night and when I woke up on February 8, the
contractions were gone. “OK”, I thought, “not the real thing, but probably a
great warm up.”
On Tuesday, February 12, at around 12:15 am, I was awakened
from sleep by a huge contraction that lasted a minute and was strong enough
that I thought my bladder was exploding. I considered letting Daddy sleep
but based on the strength of this one compared to the ones I felt several days
earlier, I kind of knew inside this was it! I quickly downloaded an app to
record contractions, and went to the bathroom. I had another contraction in
there. When I came back to bed at 12:25, another one came on, just as strong
and I started recording contractions. I found myself on all fours rocking and
breathing through it on top of the covers. I knew you were coming to me,
and woke up your dad and told him, I think this is really the day. Daddy called
our friends (who love your dog Shorty as if she was their
own) and asked them to come pick her up to take to their house while we
labored. He also jumped into the shower to quickly wake up. Until about
1am, I labored on the bed on all fours rocking during contractions, then I’d
move into cat’s pose right after each contraction, then child’s pose to rest
until the next one. I was feeling a LOT of back labor, and all of these
positions felt really good for that.
By 1am, the contractions had been 4-5 minutes apart and lasting 1
minute or longer for 45 minutes. Daddy called Michelle to tell her our status.
She told us to let her know if we needed her here and to update her when things
progress more. We also called the hospital and talked to the midwife on call,
Kimla. She could tell the contractions were strong and told me to call her when
I was leaving for the hospital and she would meet me there because she was also
about 20 minutes away this time of day. After we made these calls, I wanted to
switch positions and move downstairs.
I was relieved and kind of excited to have the whole house to
labor in. Time to put all my good yoga and breathing tricks to work.
Daddy had already packed the exercise ball in the car, and I asked him to
go get it, which he did. He also set up the hypnobirthing meditations to
play on our laptop; these had been very calming to me during my pregnancy and
during Gianna’s birth and he made sure I was drinking plenty of water.
Contractions were about 2.5-3.5 minutes apart now, and I labored
leaning on the ball with my forearms, rocking back and forth during the
contractions, which were building in intensity by the minute! I would have a
contraction, then run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet, then come back and
labor again on the ball. I did this for about 35 minutes and also brought in
some vocal toning. Towards the end of this time on the floor, I started
feeling really nauseous and dad brought me a trash can. At the same
time, I started throwing up, contractions really picked up in intensity
and became closer to 2 minutes apart for the remaining time we had in the
house. Daddy got a concerned look and started speeding around the house
collecting any last things we wanted to bring with us (luckily we had been
packed in the car for weeks for you so I wasn’t nervous about forgetting
anything and was able to totally focus on breathing and working through each
wave of pain). Daddy updated Michelle again to say we were getting ready to
leave for the hospital. For most of the last half hour or so in the
house, I mostly labored standing up pushing my hands and arms strongly
against the wall as if I was going to push the wall away while doing figure 8’s with my hips. Then I
would just rest against the wall between contractions. For a couple minutes
before we left, I moved back to the floor for a few minutes and began to think
about the mantra “let... go” like we had practiced in yoga class, after a few
contractions like this, dad and I looked at each other and said, “We gotta get
going”.
I stopped recording contractions at 2am because it became too much
and a little pointless. Daddy called Michelle and said, “Let’s meet at
the hospital” and called Lindsay to come over to be with Gianna. He
helped me put on our friend's TENS machine on my lower back, where I
was experiencing a lot of the contractions. I was not looking forward to having
contractions in the front seat of the car, and thought the electrical
vibrations would make them a little more manageable (they did, to the best of
their ability). I also brought an icepack to put on my neck, which always helps
when I feel nauseous. Lindsay met us in the parking lot outside. I
looked at her, so thankful to have such a great friend and said, “Thank you for
taking care of my baby while I go deliver her sibling”. It was a warm moment
and she was very calm too and helped me through one last contraction before I
got in the car. Now, time is a little fuzzy for us here, but I am pretty sure
we left the house around 2:15am.
We made it to the hospital in about 20 minutes, but the 10-12
contractions in the car, as predicted, were awful. I wanted to jump out
of my skin. Daddy sped, coming to a short pause at red lights and then gunning
through. I tried my best to breathe through them using some deep
“ohhh’s”, but it was sometimes too much just sitting there not being able to
move. I was literally wriggling in my seat! When we hit Wisconsin Ave, I almost asked Daddy to let me out of the car for a few seconds
to have a contraction because I could not take “not moving” anymore. So glad I
didn’t because I think I would have had you right there on the sidewalk.
When we hit Massachusetts Ave, we saw a police officer ahead and hoped he
would see and escort us (we had the flashers on), but he didn’t. Daddy just
kept going pausing briefly at lights and then accelerating as fast as he could.
About a mile from the hospital, I remember screaming during one
contraction, and Daddy reminded me to do something different with my voice. I
was thankful for the reminder to get me back on track with the Zen I had going
for my labor so far.
When we pulled up the GWU hospital ER entrance, I had nothing else
on my mind but getting the heck out of the car. I literally leaped out of the
car and ran into the hospital, leaving Daddy to figure out double parking the
car. I found the desk to check in and had two contractions right there.
The attendant was pretty nice and rubbed my back while I breathed through them.
They were almost on top of each other and things were moving so fast.
Daddy met me inside and we were escorted upstairs to labor and
delivery. I had a bunch of contractions along the way, in the elevator, outside
the elevator... basically every minute. When we got to our room, Room #10, the
nurse asked me if I wanted to change into a hospital gown, but when I labored
with your sister that made me feel like such a patient, so I decided to bring
my own clothes this time. She seemed a little surprised that I wanted to risk
getting something of mine dirty-- had she ever heard of laundry? I
dismissed it... more important things to think about. The nurse was also not
happy that I did not want to have an IV or heplock put in. During your sister’s
birth, it might sound silly but this was my least favorite part. I did
not even have a birth plan written this time (because the practice I chose was
so much in line with everything I wanted) but I had told Michelle and a few of
the midwives that the only thing I care about is NOT having anything in me.
I told the nurse I would sign a form/waiver and went immediately to
the bathroom, because I felt like sitting on the toilet was the only thing that
might feel good and I was tired of talking through the past 4 contractions.
It felt ok on the toilet but then I found myself on the bathroom floor on
all fours for the next two contractions. I laughed to myself in this moment,
because I must be dealing with a lot to choose being on a hospital bathroom
floor as an option. I could hear outside the door that Michelle and Kimla
had arrived. I wanted to go out and greet them, and did. Daddy needed to
go move the car, and we both agreed now would be an ok time since Michelle was
with me. However, we had NO idea how quickly things would move after
saying that.
I gave Kimla and Michelle hugs and said hi (between contractions)
and walked over to the couch to lean on it for the next contraction.
Michelle helped me change into a nightgown I had brought to labor in and
Kimla came over to talk to me, asking about my labor so far but then started
talking about the heplock. It was very hard to talk during contractions
and I was hoping this whole conversation would be over soon. Michelle was in
tune with me and took over so I could focus on laboring (all while still
applying some great pressure to my lower back and squeezing my hips during
contractions). Michelle said I did not want it and asked for a little more time.
Right after she said that, Kimla walked away for a quick second, and then
I had told Michelle that I felt crazy pressure. She said, “That’s your baby,
sweetie”. She was right because I felt an overwhelming (and
uncontrollable) urge to bear down. I yelled, “I am pushing!!!” And thought I felt my water breaking, but it
was really just a little bit of blood. At this point I was still laboring
standing, leaning with my forearms on the couch. Michelle called out to Kimla
and the nurses saying “is this ok?” referring to the place in the room that I
was, knowing that this baby was coming and we should probably move to a place
with better light! At this point, it was 3am when I started pushing.
Michelle also texted Daddy “ 911!” to mean get back here quickly so
he didn’t miss it (having experienced lots of births, I think she knew that
this baby was coming within minutes!). Kimla came over and checked me from
below and I overheard something about baby being a +2, which I knew meant you
were close to popping out! Yay!
Between contractions, I scurried myself over to the bed and they
raised it up so I could standing up, lean on my forearms, and bend my knees
just a little when I was bearing down. This position felt perfect.
I was able to wiggle my hips side to side during and between contractions
to help you move down too. I remember looking up after a few contractions and
seeing that your dad had made it back (I later found out that he didn’t see the
emergency text, but luckily was moving at the speed of light anyways to get
back to us!). I had Michelle behind me coaching me calmly and massaging my back
and your dad in front of me holding my hands and talking to me too (and, if you
can believe it, making me laugh). It felt amazing to me that for this
birth, it felt like YOU were doing the work and I was just your partner, moving
in ways that helped you get out, all with such a rockstar team of supporters
around us. There was also a midwife student Kelly, who was on the ground with
Kimla and nurses ready to catch you. Someone (not sure who) was applying a warm
compress below for me and Kelly was coaching me about times when I needed to
ease up and push very slowly. I have to admit, I never really looked down or
around to take note of the room. Rather subconsciously I had decided to focus
on you and us with my eyes closed or having a focus point on the bed most of
the time.
I began to feel really hot, and needed to get cool to best do this
work, so I took off my nightgown, and Michelle brought over a washcloth or
towel soaked in freezing cold water and put it on my neck which felt wonderful
and cooled me down immediately. At one point, I remember that I began to
(for the first time during labor) feel a little out of control and shrieked and
said “Get this baby out!” And when I did, Daddy and Michelle reminded me that
the high pitched noise would not help my baby descend. Michelle reminded
me to use the deeper sounds like Ohhhh. So, for the time I spent pushing you
out, I used a lot of vocal toning along with that mini squat/knee bend while
standing. I made the sound “ohhhh”, nice and low and doing that came on
naturally (which I kind of never expected to do). This also helped me breathe
really well and regularly.
All of this was working like a well-oiled machine, but one of the
nurses kept insisting that I get that silly heplock. She started talking to me
(as if I was listening to her) about how if I bleed to death I would be sorry. There
was absolutely nothing or no one I was going to let steal this wonderful
experience from us all, so instead of getting ruffled, I just zoned her and all
the other chatty nurses out. Daddy and Michelle both made some very
direct comments to the nurses to tell them to leave me alone and this talk was
enough. The head nurse was murmuring about how antibodies change every 24 hours
or something and this was so risky. During a contraction, Kimla suggested that
instead of the heplock, they just take my blood now. Your dad and I immediately
said no- that I was in the middle of delivering my baby! But the nurse was
insistent and came over and actually swabbed my forearm with an alcohol swab as
if she was prepping me to stick a needle in, even though I said no. I was
very strong and pulled my arm away from her and said loudly (during a contraction,
mind you), “No. I am not doing that now.”
If yoga has taught me anything this year, it is to be present and
own my moments and I was determined to do just this, which in this case
required a bit of calming the scene. Even though this attempt at an
intervention seems like a nuisance, it never really was to me. I felt
very supported by your dad and Michelle, and was glad for Kimla having made a
suggestion that might possibly satisfy these particular nurses, but decided
to bring it home myself so we could stop the distraction and not-so-great
energy the nurses were giving off. Finally, I said calmly something
like “Please be quiet. You are welcome to take blood right after I give
birth, but for now, I am going to have this baby and I would like you to stop
talking about this.” I must have sounded pretty assertive because they stopped
right then.
Ok, we had the room back in command, and you were ready to make
your entrance. Even in the middle of fierce contractions as I was bearing down,
I remember taking a big cleansing smile and saying gratefully, I am so glad my
baby is finally coming. With your sister, I did not feel that ring of fire for
a while, but with you I felt it so much sooner. With each push I could feel
your head coming out of me, and then back in. I was thinking, “Let’s go
buddy!” With one final push, I finally felt you slide out fast (along with my
gushing water- which did not break till that last push)! You were born at 3:21am
on February 12.
I took one big deep cleansing breath of relief and then realized
that the midwives were asking me to pull my baby up to me! (Note: this
had always been an image in my “dream birth scenario: and it was totally
unprompted, so I was caught by a very happy surprise!). I must not have
heard them, because Michelle said again to me, Stephanie, pull your baby up!
Still standing up, I reached down, feeling prouder than I have ever felt in my
life, and scooped you up with my hands under your little but totally strong
arms. I was full of so much love my eyes welled up with tears. You were so
peaceful and your skin was a little darker than Gianna was when she was born.
You didn’t cry right away, but I could feel your strong little breath on my
chest. And the motion of pulling you up to my chest, all while I was
standing up and you were still connected to me seemed like some fairy tale out
of a movie to me. Was this really happening? Then someone asked, “Who is
it?” And I got to be the one to hold you up and find out you were a boy!
I said “It’s a boy!” and looked at Daddy with tears in my eyes and said
“We have a son.” The moment was a little reminiscent of the lion king
holding baby Simba in the air. Then you let out a cry and I cuddled you onto my
chest, and everyone helped lower the bed and get us both up there into it.
They gave me a little blanket to put over you. We were still
connected. And, my cord was short so I was constantly reminded of this
while you were on my chest too:) Then, after the cord stopped pulsing,
Kimla and Kelly set it up so your dad could cut the cord. About 12
minutes after you were born, the placenta came out and then the nurses laughed
because it was shaped like a heart (which probably was funnier at the time
because Valentine’s Day was 2 days later). We shared your name with everyone. Angelo.
About 15 minutes later, we all realized we had not weighed you
yet, and Kimla and Kelly said we could do it whenever. But your dad and I were
so curious and wanted to see how much you weighed because you looked and felt
bigger than Gianna. I guessed around 7lbs. Turned out that you were
7lbs 10oz and 20 inches long! Around 4am, you started sucking on my
shoulder and making motions like you wanted to nurse, so that we did, and you
latched on like a champ and we nursed for a while. You looked so content and
calm. We got to stay in the labor room until about 7am, the hospital and room
were so relaxed at these wee morning hours and we dimmed the lights and
enjoyed the time getting to know you. I couldn’t believe that you came so
quickly to us-- labor was 3 hours! Daddy joked later to me and said, “Stephanie
that was a little faster than your best marathon time!” We felt so good after
the birth, we really wanted to just get home to introduce you and your big
sister, which was the happy moment we had been anticipating most for the past
10 months, and we left the hospital at lunchtime on the 13th. You and
Gianna met for the first time on the night of the 13th. She looked at you
with smiles and just laughed giddily. She turned to me and said “Mama, baby
Angelo came out! Gianna hold it?” She held you on her lap and talked with such
excitement, looking at you and then us and then back to you again. Daddy and
I’s hearts grew about 10 sizes that night seeing how much she loved you too.
I am forever changed by your birth, Angelo Frank. Our natural
childbirth experience bringing you here was empowering and fulfilling. I
am in awe of your brave and fierce entrance into this world, and how you, on
your first day of living, really led the show.
